makatang_lito

Don't Stand So Close To Me

2009-08-25T21:08:00.000-07:00

I'm posting this as a reaction to a conversation i had with someone about films and her question if i had seen the film lolita. This is a song by The Police and is actually the first thing that pops into my mind when thinking about Nabokov's Lolita. Mayba i'll write a piece on Lolita that is if i'll have the time...

Young teacher the subject
Of schoolgirl fantasy
She wants him so badly
Knows what she wants to be
Inside her there's longing
This girl's an open page
Book marking - she's so close now
This girl is half his age

Don't stand, don't stand so
Don't stand so close to me
Don't stand, don't stand so
Don't stand so close to me

Her friends are so jealous
You know how bad girls get
Sometimes it's not so easy
To be the teacher's pet
Temptation, frustration
So bad it makes him cry
Wet bus stop, she's waiting
His car is warm and dry

Don't stand, don't stand so
Don't stand so close to me
Don't stand, don't stand so
Don't stand so close to me

Loose talk in the classroom
To hurt they try and try
Strong words in the staff room
The accusations fly
It's no use, he sees her
He starts to shake and cough
Just like the old man in
That book by Nabakov

Don't stand, don't stand so
Don't stand so close to me
Don't stand, don't stand so
Don't stand so close to me
Don't stand, don't stand so
Don't stand so close to me

Kontrobersyal

2009-08-13T00:07:00.000-07:00

Ano ang Irony: Ang irony ay kapag inalis na sa iyo ang isang gawain pero ikaw pa din ang kinukunsulta para magawa ng ipinalit sa iyong tao ang gawain niya... by writing this i am also demonstrating what is sarcasm

Confessions

2009-08-11T21:13:00.000-07:00

Done so many things wrong I dont know if I can do right
Oh i, oh ive
Done so many things wrong I dont know if I can do right

At this point in my life
Ive done so many things wrong I dont know if I can do right
If you put your trust in me I hope I wont let you down
If you give me a chance Ill try
You see its been a hard road the road Im traveling on
And if I take your hand I might lead you down the path to ruin
Ive had a hard life Im just saying it so youll understand
That right now, right now, Im doing the best I can

At this point in my life
At this point in my life
Although Ive mostly walked in the shadows
Im still searching for the light
Wont you put your faith in me
We both know thats what matters
If you give me a chance Ill try
You see Ive been climbing stairs but mostly stumbling down
Ive been reaching high always losing ground
You see Ive been reaching high but always losing ground
You see Ive conquered hills but I still have mountains to climb
And right now right now Im doing the best I can
At this point in my life

Before we take a step
Before we walk down that path
Before I make any promises
Before you have regrets
Before we talk commitment
Let me tell you of my past
All Ive seen and all Ive done
The things Id like to forget

At this point in my life
At this point in my life
Id like to live as if only love mattered
As if redemption was in sight
As if the search to live honestly
Is all that anyone needs
No matter if you find it

You see when Ive touched the sky
The earths gravity has pulled me down
But now Ive reconciled that in this world
Birds and angels get the wings to fly
If you can believe in this heart of mine
If you can give it a try
Then Ill reach inside and find and give you
All the sweetness that I have
At this point in my life
At this point in my life

I ADMIT IT

2009-07-26T17:52:00.000-07:00

I admit it... I am not happy with the way things are rights now. How stupid was I think that what i have done or set out to accomplish, NOT FOR MYSELF, but for the good of all don't mean squat. Maybe it was because i was to abrasive and my manner, and how i set out to do things rubbed people off in the wrong way. But hey if only you saw it with unprejudiced eyes you will understand that in the end it is you who would have benefited from it all. Apparently my work ethic and behavior was not in accordance to what the standard is and not in conformity to how you have wanted me to act. I admit it... to some extent it may be my fault but the guilt is also in your hands. I plead innocent to whatever it is you deemed that i have done. After all i am just a human being and i also feel hurt and dejection more than you think i do.

alienated

2009-07-24T08:01:00.002-07:00

sometimes I have to ask myself why do I bother. Well everything I have accomplished is not mine anyway and i am nothing but an expendable cog in the wheel. I am once again put in a situation wherein i have to choose between being where i am now; unhappy and unappreciated or plot out a new course that may or may not lead to something good.

You know what? I am not at fault here but your f@&kng egos. Ah even the judgement of the wisests of men get clouded when their pride and egos are put on the spot. I got news for all of you - YOU CAN'T JUST WRITE ME OFF YET! I WON'T GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT AND I WILL NOT GIVE YOU THE SATISFACTION OF SEEING ME DOWN AND KNOCKED OUT! I fully understand now the meaning of labor being alienated.

alienated

2009-07-24T08:01:00.001-07:00

alienated

2009-07-24T08:01:00.000-07:00

Sometimes Life Does not go the way we want it to

2009-07-23T00:24:00.000-07:00

I Know That I Was Lost
And I Know That It Was Too Too Hard
And Although It Isn't Much
I Give You All I Have.

There's A Mirror In The Old Place
A Place Where We Would Stand
And Wonder At Our Sweet Sweet Selves
Smiling Hand In Hand
This Wasn't What We Planned.

[chorus]
Though The Night Has Fallen
I Close My Eyes And Imagine
A Tiny Glimmer Flickering On The Horizon.

It Takes Time To Get It Right
Takes No Time To Get It Wrong.
I Can't Believe I Didn't See
The Ground Was Caving In

Oh, Can We Just Start Again?

[chorus]

Everyday, Everyday
Living My Life Like It's Over
Like It's Over And Deep Underground.

Little Look, Little Smile
Flick The Switch And It's Over
Like It's Lost And Can Never Be Found.

But Maybe There's A Tiny Glow
That Won't Die And Won't Leave Us. A Lone
Star Shining. The Sun Is Rising.

There's A Tiny Glimmer Flickering On The Horizon.
Can You See It? Can You See It There?
Can You See It? Can You See It There's
A Tiny Glimmer Flickering On The Horizon.

Feeling Like an angst filled twenty something

2009-07-21T19:55:00.000-07:00

Decode by Paramore

How can I decide what's right?
When your clouding up my mind
I can't win your losing fight
All the time

Nor could I ever own what's mine
When your always taking sides
But you won't take away my pride
No, not this time
Not this time

How did we get here
When I used to know you so well
How did we get here
Well, I think I know

The truth is hiding in your eyes
And its hanging on your tongue
Just boiling in my blood
But you think that I can't see

What kind of man that you are
If you are a man at all
Well, I'll figure this one out
On my own

How did we get here
When I used to know you so well
How did we get here
Well, I think I know

Do you see what we've done
We're gonna make such fools of ourselves
Do you see what we've done
We're gonna make such fools of ourselves

How did we get here
When I used to know you so well
How did we get here
Well, I think I know

I think I know
I think I know
There is something I see in you
It might kill me, I want it to be true

Matters of the Heart

2009-07-12T05:30:00.000-07:00

I came across this song by Traci Chapman and its really a cool song. The lyrics shows a clear example why western ideals of love compared to the views of Islam is fleeting, awkward and counter productive.

I lose my head
From time to time
I make a fool of myself
In matters of the heart
We should have been holding each other
Instead we talked
I make a fool of myself
In matters of the heart

But I asked before
Your reply was kind and polite
One wants more
When ones denied
I make a fool of myself
In matters of the heart

I wont call it love
But it feels good to have passion in my life
If theres a battle
I hope my head always defers to my heart
In matters of the heart

I guess Im crazy to think
I can give you what you dont want
I make a fool of myself
In matters of the heart

I wish that I had the power
To make these feelings stop
I lose all self control
In matters of the heart

I cant believe
Its so hard to find someone
To give affection to
And from whom you can receive
I guess its just the draw of the cards
In matters of the heart

You caught me off guard
Somehow you reached me
Where I thought I had nothing left inside
Ive learned my lesson Ive been edified
In matters of the heart

Ive spent my nights
Where the sleeping dogs lie
Not by your side
It feels so lonely
Once again Ive left to much to chance
In matters of the heart

Here I sit
Im feeling sorry for myself
Its quite a sight
But I have you to thank
For reminding me
Were all alone in this world
And in matters of the heart

Im already missing you
Although we wont say good byes
Until tomorrow afternoon
Maybe when and if I see you again
Well see eye to eye
In matters of the heart

I have no harsh words for you
I have no tears to cry
If the moon were full
Id be howling inside
It only hurts
In matters of the heart

If today were my birthday
Id be reborn
As brontes bird a bird that could fly
And all accounts would be settled
In matters of the heart

Matters of the heart

A product of too much time in my hands... (Part 1)

2009-07-12T04:15:00.000-07:00

Life is about making choices and we are always responsible for the course of action that we choose to take. However while we can clearly understand the meaning of being responsible for one's choices the question is; do we understand what or who shapes and guides our choice?

Those who view men and women as the progenitors and masters of their own destiny would say that choices are made by the mind, by the ideas produced by the logical reasoning of the human brain. And where do this ideas come from? It stems from within our own minds; our own consciousness, moving independently of any outside stimuli and determining the course of our actions through our own will. The "I think therefore I am" of Descartes is a clear example of this philosophy.

This kind of thinking glorifies the individual, and as such puts the individual above everything else. The world exists and history marches forward solely because of the will of human beings.

On the other hand, there are philosophies that view ideas to be a reflection of matter and that what remains constant is the material world. In the social sphere this philosophy argues that free will and the march of history is determined by social factors shaped by the material development of a given society. In this preposition individuals are seen as part of a social class that has its own psychology related to its role in the material order of the world.

The first philosophy view free will as a product of reason, while the second one view free will and reason as the product of the existing material conditions. Both philosophies was a reaction to the dominant view espoused by the catholic church regarding predestination and free will. Both philosophies denies the existence of an omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent supreme being who has determined the course of history not only of the whole human race but also that of individuals.

Which CSI Las Vegas Character are You?

2009-07-10T01:02:00.000-07:00

Which CSI character are you? Your Result: You are Sara Sidle Sara You are very dedicated to your job, and doing what you feel is just. You are very driven and passionate about everything you do, and you tend to be quite moody. You are brutally honest, and are never afraid to speak your mind. You learn quickly, and are always eager to learn more. You tend to be emotionally unstable at times, but you are strong and usually able to cope with high stress situations. You are often sarcastic, and arent afraid to show how tough you are; although deep down you have a heart of gold. Overall you are witty, passionate, tough, and honest.
You are Gil Grissom
You are Greg Sanders
You are Catherine Willows
You are Nick Stokes
You are Warrick Brown
Which CSI character are you? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

ALLAHUAKBAR!

2009-07-03T18:34:00.000-07:00

Do not search for that which one cannot attain
Be content with what is and seek pleasure with what you have
for while it is important to strive for perfection
bear in mind that we are striving not for ephemeral things but for oneness with God's will
We are searching not for the ultimate high that has eluded our bored senses
But realize that our search is for wisdom so that we learn to be patient and be content
And in our wisdom we might understand God's plan
And in our contentment we might see the beauty of God's creation
And embrace the oneness of the world.
Love not the now but those qualities that transcend time
Embrace not the physical things
For while it is right to take pleasure in them
We must not live our lives in endless pursuit of material gain
Live for the moment but be mindful of the consequences your actions will have on the future.
These are but a few things I have learned in my journeys
and which I share with you who care to listen.
O weary souls be mindful of despair
for it is a temptation flowing from the lips of the wicked one.
Seek shelter in God for his is the will that has created all.

For CCD

2009-07-03T00:08:00.000-07:00

I have to admit it. I feel so empty and alone. I thought I could do it; be strong and learn to spend every minute of my days by myself reveling in the freedom and harboring no disappointments or frustrations. But the reality is she will always be a part of me and i miss her so much. Yes even though I know that we never really did clicked because of our very different personalities, but the truth is if I could have another chance I would willingly asked that we get back together again. I love you so much. Heck, I even miss our quarrels, disagreements, and endless arguments. At least when we are arguing I know that after it all you'll still be by my side. but now it's different now I have no one left but my self. Independence is a bummer, and I'll give anything to be tied to your fate again.

Tips on how to be promoted without even trying

2009-06-28T17:40:00.000-07:00

note: this article shouldn't be taken seriously. similarities of any sort to actual living persons is purely coincidence... :-r

1. Always be in the know. Who says that in-depth knowledge of the bill a pre-requisite to a successful lobby. What's important is that you know a person who knows his stuff so that you could hear his explanation. Discuss things with them. Pick their brains and hold on to every insightful knowledge they have to share. The trick is to memorize every word they have to say and know how to spruce it up with your own catch phrases and sound bites so that it would seem that the IDEA came from you. No its not plaigiarism, its called resourcefulness...

2. Know the art of asking questions to draw out opinions. Can't form your own idea? Have trouble forming your own opinion? No problem. The trick is to learn the art of questioning. Act as if you understand the discussions with the person mentioned in point number one. Learn how to use flattery; dramatic pauses while furrowing your brow and acting as if you are in deep thought, and paraphrasing the words of others more suited for the job than you and turning this into your own insightful and analytical question. After doing this use the technique mentioned in number one so that the IDEA would look as if it came from you.

3. Always smile and act friendly. Can't think of anything to say during meetings? Don't have a stand yet on the issues being discussed? No problem, the point is you were there; even if the only thing you said during the meeting was "i think that's great or "i believe that's okay" at least you were present. And since you acted frinedly and you wore your million dollar smile people warm up to you instantly. Your opinions do not matter what's important is you established relationships. always remember that what's important is not WHAT you know but WHOM you know. Its always about connections, and what better way to develop them than by bieng the all around pal. YOU CHUMP...

The most haunting and eerie love song i've heard

2009-06-07T23:34:00.000-07:00

Love Song For A Vampire

Come into these arms again
and lay your body down
The rhythm of this trembling heart
is beating like a drum
It beats for you it bleeds for you
it knows not how it sounds
For it is the drum of drums
it is the song of songs

Once I had the rarest rose
that ever deemed to bloom
Cruel winter chilled the bud
and stole my flower too soon
Oh loneliness Oh hopelessness
to search the ends of time
For there is in all the world
no greater love than mine.

Love o love o .... still falls the rain
Love o love o .... still falls the night
Love o love o .... damned forever

Let me be the only one
to keep you from the cold
Now the floor of heaven is laid
the stars are bright as gold
They shine for you they shine for you
they burn for all to see
Come into these arms again
and set this spirit free

this is the theme song from the movie Dracula by Francis Ford Coppola. High school ako ng una ko itong marining, but it still has the same effect after almost 20 years

2006-06-02T21:12:00.000-07:00

2006-06-02T01:12:00.000-07:00

ode to a revolutionary

2006-05-21T04:22:00.000-07:00

ode to a revolutionary
battle weary but not broken
still possessing the fire
that burns with the fervor of history

Such is our historical task
for though unknown
we are not alone
By our pledge we have become
a part of the nameless mass in their struggle to be free
what we stand for shall not die
even if we are forgotten
we shall live on in the cries
for justice
for freedom
for truth

our voices will be heard in all its resonance and
one day it will rise in a crescendo
a rising tide of discontent
that will drown all those who did not dare to
swim against the tide
it will shake the foundation of everything
that was built on lies
until all that is left is the beginning of a new day

may21/2006/TFDP

Para sa mga kasabay ko sa Y.S. movement

2006-05-08T07:25:00.000-07:00

Good and Bad I spout these words
As if a wedding vow
oh, but I was so much older then
i'm younger than at now.

-Bob Dylan

O ayan may bago na

2006-05-08T07:19:00.000-07:00

Tagal ko ng hindi nakakapagpost. Last year pa nga ang last post ko eh, at kung ilang beses na rin akong kinukulit ni richie na magpost na ng bago. After a lot of wishy-washiness eto at nagpost na ako.

Ang problema, ala naman akong maisip sabihin bukod sa very obvious fact na nagpost na ako ng bago.

Can't get enough of Neruda

2005-12-13T00:38:00.000-08:00

Poema 20

Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Escribir por ejemplo: "La noche está estrellada, y tiritan,
azules, los astros, a lo lejos".

El viento de la noche gira en el cielo y canta.

Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Yo la quise, y a veces ella también me quiso.

En las noches como ésta la tuve entre mis brazos.
La besé tantas veces bajo el cielo infinito.

Ella me quiso, a veces yo también la quería
Como no haber amado sus grandes ojos fijos.

Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Pensar que no la tengo. Sentir que la he perdido.

Oír la noche inmensa, más inmensa sin ella
Y el verso cae al alma como al pasto el rocío.

Qué importa que mi amor no pudiera guardarla.
La noche está estrellada y ella no está conmigo.

Eso es todo. A lo lejos alguien canta. A lo lejos.
Mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.

Como para acercarla mi mirada la busca,
Mi corazón la busca, y ella no está conmigo.

La misma noche que hace blanquear los mismos árboles.
Nosotros, los de entonces, ya no somos los mismos.

Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero cuánto la quise.
Mi voz buscaba el viento para tocar su oído.

De otro. Será de otro. Como antes de mis besos.
Su voz, su cuerpo claro. Sus ojos infinitos.

Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero tal vez la quiero.
Es tan corto el amor, y es tan largo el olvido.

Porque en noches como ésta la tuve entre mis brazos,
Mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.

Aunque éste sea el último dolor que ella me causa,
y éstos sean los últimos verso que yo le escribo.

I can write the saddest verses tonight.
Write, for example, “The night is filled with stars,
twinkling blue, in the distance.”

The night wind spins in the sky and sings.

I can write the saddest verses tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like this I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times beneath the infinite sky.

She loved me, at times I loved her too.
How not to have loved her great still eyes.

I can write the saddest verses tonight.
To think that I don’t have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the verse falls onto my soul like dew onto grass.

What difference does it make if my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered, full of stars, and she is not with me.

That’s all. In the distance, someone sings. In the distance.
My soul is not at peace with having lost her.

As if to bring her closer, my gaze searches for her.
My heart searches for her, and she is not with me.

The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, of then, now are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, it’s true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched for the wind which would touch her ear.

Another’s. She will be another’s. As before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, it’s true, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, and forgetting is so long.

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is not at peace with having lost her.

2005-12-12T19:13:00.000-08:00

Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you!Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter.You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you.
You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorableEven a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's lifeBy giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover.
Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives.Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours.No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

What

2005-12-08T08:32:00.000-08:00

‘I do not love you as if you were brine-rose, topaz,’
XVII From: ‘Cien sonetos de amor'
by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were brine-rose, topaz,
or barbed carnations thrown off by the fire.
I love you as certain hidden things are loved,
secretly, between night and soul.

I love you like the flower-less plant
carrying inside itself the light of those flowers,
and, graced by your love, a fierce perfume
risen from earth, is alive, concealed in my flesh.

I love you without knowing how, whence, when.
I love you truly, without doubts, without pride,
I love you so, and know, no other way to love,

none but this mode of neither You nor I,
so close that your hand over my chest is my hand,
so close they are your eyes I shut when I sleep.

solitude

2005-11-29T02:12:00.000-08:00

solitude stands in the window...

i feel lonely today. It's as if i am longing for a connection with people. a meeting of the minds. a spiritual, mental, and emotional connection. whenever i feel like this, i feel that i am losing myself in a whirlwind of doubt and uncertainty. like an unwanted kitten left in the middle of nowhere.

sure, i have friends. i have the love of the most beautiful, caring and understanding woman. But, i feel that a part of me is still wanting, and longing for something... in the words of sarah mclachlan i am in search for "a beautiful release."

heck even the way i write seems disjointed. just an endless stream of words. WORDS. But who gives meaning to words? do words really come close to exploring what we really want, feel, hope for, and desire? i have always wanted to write words that would make other people understand what i think and feel. words that would move them to explore their own longing, and search for answers to questions plaguing our very existence. But alas i am not gifted enough to do that. And so all i have are my thoughts put into words, or to be exact all i have are words longing to reflect what i think.

ah.. maybe this is just boredom, or the cold december climate. anyway i just want to have that connection that would verify my existence.

Everything's Alright

2005-11-06T07:46:00.000-08:00

there is one song that i always sing whenever i feel stressed out or depressed. It's a song that came from the musical jesus christ superstar, and was sung by yvonne elliman, who is also a Filipina. She's the one who played mary magdalene in both the stage and film version.
The song was sung in the scene wherein mary magdalene was washing the feet of jesus christ, and she was trying to make jesus relax and forget all the problems that he was thinking of. Sometimes a soothing touch is all that is needed to make one forget all the cares in the world... everything's all right, yes everything's fine.

Try not to get worried
Try not to turn on to
Problems that upset you
oh Don't you know
Everything's alright
Yes everything's fine
And we want you to sleep well tonight
Let the world turn without you tonight
If we try
We'll get by
So forget all about us tonight

Everything's all right
Yes everything's all right yes

Sleep and I shall soothe you
Calm you and anoint you
Myrrh for your hot forehead
oh Then you'll feel
Everything's all right
Yes everything's fine
And it's cool and the ointment's sweet
For the fire in your head and feet
Close your eyes
Close your eyes
And relax
Think of nothing tonight

Everything's all right
Yes everything's all right yes

the butt end of people's bitterness

2005-10-30T09:48:00.000-08:00

why is it that some people who can't handle their insecurities have to find someone or something that they could project all their bitterness on. You are not that intellectually gifted, then let all your hang-ups out by projecting all your shortcomings on your know-it-all arrogant officemate. Getting less attention than before, then spew out all your hate on that prick who seems to be getting all the attention.

ah, people more often than not are very petty indeed.The sad part of it is when the petty individual is someone you have known years back, and is in fact someone you consider as a friend. Sometimes i think that it would have been much better if one just keeps his / her mouth shut and stayed in the sidelines.

Alienation

2005-10-02T04:13:00.000-07:00

The Blower's Daughter Lyrics

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

What my birthdate means

2005-08-21T00:13:00.000-07:00

Your Birthdate: June 12

Being born on the 12th day of the month (3 energy) is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life.

The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental.

There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, sometimes "couldn't care less" attitude.

You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression.

Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing.

You are energetic and always a good conversationalist.

You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters.

Your mind is practical and rational despite this tendency to jump about.

You are affectionate and loving - but very sensitive.

You are subject to rapid ups and downs.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

The Test Confirms It! I'M Weird

2005-08-20T23:56:00.000-07:00

You Are 80% Weird

You're more than quirky, you're downright strange.
But you're also strangely compelling, like a cult leader.

How Weird Are You?

My planet

2005-08-20T23:41:00.000-07:00

You Are From the Moon

You can vibe with the steady rhythms of the Moon.
You're in touch with your emotions and intuition.
You possess a great, unmatched imagination - and an infinite memory.
Ultra-sensitive, you feel at home anywhere (or with anyone).
A total healer, you light the way in the dark for many.

What Planet Are You From?

Random thoughts again

2005-08-20T08:44:00.000-07:00

Just started reading the unbearable lightness of being by milan kundera, and reading it has got me all worked up about the meaning of our existence here on earth. In fact its has got me so worked up that instead of enjoying my date with candy i started bombarding her with soliloquies about the immateriality of life, and its deadening routine.

What made me think about suicide is kundera's supposition about the heaviest of burden being the key factor that brings us closer to our material existence here on earth, and how on the other hand, the absolute absence of a burden causes man to take leave of the earth and his earthly being.

And what does kundera's supposition have to do with the concept of suicide? For one, the concept that the bigger the burden the closer we are to the truth of our existence makes us more aware of the concreteness of our desires, motivations, and actions that we do in this world. By making us aware of the concreteness of our actions we are consigned to accept the duties and responsiblities we have to face in this life, because by fulfilling our obligation we feel a certain sense of achievement of having reached a concrete goal set at a definite time frame. The more burden we bear the bigger are our responsibilities, and the less time left for contemplating life's essense and meaning of our existence.

On the other hand if our lives will be free from life's practical and concrete burdens then the more time left for contemplation. And the more we contemplate, the more we see how ephemeral life is. And by seeing how fleeting life could be the more we begin to realise the inanity of following the routine set upon us by the practical demands of our material and concrete world.

Take for example a factory worker in an assembly plant. His life is a routine that moves like clockwork. It is a thankless and unfufilling job that alienates him from his own humanity, and transforms him into an appendage of the whole assembly line. But he does it everyday because by working he earns money that would pay for his tangible and concrete needs (i.e. food, shelter, education, recreation). the burden to fulfill these needs is what shapes his motivation and desires. It defines his meaning of existence - the desire to solve life's burden so as to fulfill his needs as a person.

But if the worker achieves a certain sense of security life's burden will cease to motivate him into action, but rather it becomes a fetter that ties him to a senseless and never ending routine. At this point boredom will set in, and he will feel that life ceases to have meaning prompting him to seek ways to escape his material existence by first wallowing in hedonism and contemplations about sprituallity. But later when even his hedonistic excursions becomes routine, or when his spritual contemplations provides no answer, then death or suicide becomes the viable alternative.

It is at this point wherein the distinction between the sublime and paltry becomes non-distinct, and the dimensions of life becomes negated.

I do not know if this fits in with kundera's novel (i've only read up to page 17), but i think that the opposition between lightness and weight manifests itself not only in love but also in man's desire to live. Being grounded by the weight of the world prompts us to move on, while being free from it causes ennui, depression, and suicide. We go on living to solve not only our own life's burden, but our love ones as well. And because of this weight of responsiblity to ourselves and to our love ones we continue to move on.

Para sa iyo Mahal

2005-08-12T01:30:00.000-07:00

Ang iyong patiatiaga sa akin
ay papantay sa pagtiaga ng isang deboto sa kanyang panata.

At anong panata ang aking tinuran?
di walang iba kungdi ang ating panata na magmahalan
gaano man karami ang pagsubok na pagdadaanan.

Madaling magsawa, o manamlay sa pagsuyo
Lalo pa't napakaraming maari din namang magmahal
Ng kasing pantay o di kaya'y higit pa
sa pagmamahal na aking inialay.

Ngunit anong silbi ng pagsuyo
kung hindi ito taos sa puso
Anong silbi ng tamis ng lambingan
kung hindi nito kayang harapin ang pait ng tampuhan
Ano nga ba ang pag-ibig
kung di ang pagnanais na makapiling ka sinta
Sa hirap o sa ginhawa
Sa tamis o sa pait
Sa liwanag o sa dilim
Ganyan nga ang ating pagsuyo
Kaya't abutin man tayo ng unos
Kailan ma'y hindi tayo susuko.

random thoughts

2005-08-12T00:22:00.000-07:00

Candy gave me this statuette of St. Clare of Asisi. I am an athiest at least that is what i think i am, but this past few years i've started to doubt about my belief in athiesm ( a crisis of faith in the reverse).

When did this crisis started? What brought it about? And why after being a self professed marxist for years, i am now suddenly searching the nature of spiritually.

I think the first time that i started reevaluating my views about spiritually (the "geist" of Hegel) is during my years as a student at PNU. During that time we had this research about the parallelism between the philosophical thought of Jose Rizal and Jose Marti.

Jose Marti for those of you who are not familliar with Cuban History, was the leader of the movement for the liberation of Cuba from Spain. The two Jose's were both prolific writers, both came from the middle class, and both of them are highly intelligent and have very diverse fields of interest, but they differ in their belief as to how reforms could take place. As we all know Rizal was against revolution, while Marti embraced it and in fact led the revolutionary movement.

Another major difference is their philosophical beliefs. Rizal's phiolsophy is deism, while Marti's is pantheism. Deism is the belief that God could be understood thorugh science and logic, while panthiesm believes that God exists because it is reflected in creation. The beauty of creation is the proof that God exists.

It was for this reason that Marti argued for revolution. Marti belived that if God is reflected in all creation then denying one's humanity, oppression, exploitation and suffering are abberations. These are contrary to God's will.

Before i became an activist it was the inhumanity of the world that led me to become a marxist. But as i embraced marxism the human dimension became subsumed to the social dimension. i began to saw sufferings in terms of class exploitation. i began to be more and more concrened with the plight of the masses but i can not reflect the macro suffering with the individuals i see everyday. I came to the point that i believed that pity is for the weak, since what is needed is not pity for the suffering of individual people but a conviction to mobilize one class against another.

I saw suffering in the abstract - in terms of social problems and social relations. Individual suffering failed to move me, until i read Marti's thought.

Now i am in search for a compromise between the social thought of marx and the humanism of Marti. and while i ponder this things i began a process of transforming my own views. It was during this process of rethinking when i became reacquainted with the works of kierkegard, gandhi, and martin luther king jr. Then i read the alchemist by paolo coelho and now i am at this cross road.

Does God exist? I do not know but I feel this innermost desire to search for spiritually while i remain true to marxist politics. And my conclusion is this - marxism is the most humane doctrine of revolution in the world but it is the movements who are professing adherance to marx who have forgotten this fundamental truth.

Humanity i love thee that is why i am for revolution, and herein lies my sprituallity.

to ccd (written in a moment of mushy longing

2005-07-14T01:39:00.000-07:00

you were the light that chased
the shadows of guilt..
of shame...of the weariness
that has at times left me feeling as if i bear the brunt
of the world's sorrow

it was you and your unerring kindness
which has rekindled my trust and slowly melted away
the ice and frost that has numbed my empathy

you are a being of light
my guardian angel
my forgiving lover
my kindred spirit
i will carry your smile in my mind
your gentle caress in my bosom
your lovely laugh in my soul
soothe me with your memory
calm me with your fragrance
like the fresh blooms of spring which ends
the coldness of winter.

kailan kaya sya mawawala?

2005-07-11T01:02:00.000-07:00

kahapon paggising ko akala ko nagbago na ang mundo. wala ng kahirapan tapos gingalang na ng gobyerno ang lahat ng karapatang pantao. Libre na rin ang edukasyon, pabahay, gamot (matutuwa dito yung mga kilala kong jeproks ng san andres), at nabubuhay ang lahat ng may ngiti sa labi.

Syempre iba na rin ang gobyerno. Tapos na ang panahon ng mga traditional politicians at ang pumalit na ay isang konseho ng mamamayan, at totoo na ang mga katagang for the people, by the people and of the people, hindi lamang sa salita kungdi sa aktwal na gawa.

tuwang-tuwa nga ako eh.At para bang lahat ng pinagdaanan kong dusa ay napalitan ng kaginhawaan. Bago na ang mundo at maraming posibilidad ang nagaantay sa ating lahat. Nasa ganito akong pagmumuni-muni ng bigla na lang akong nagulat sa isang tunog. Maingay, makulit na tunog... pag mulat ng mata ko alarm pala ng cell phone ko. Bad trip si Gloria pa rin pala ang pangulo. Haaaaaaay kailan kaya natin gagawing totoo ang napanaginipan ko?

Makatulog na nga lang ulit baka paggising wala na si Ate Glo at malaya na tayo.

isang pahayag ng pagmamahal

2005-07-11T00:55:00.000-07:00

mahal ko sya....

balik sa dati

2005-07-10T23:56:00.000-07:00

akala ko sira na yung blogspot ko, kasi noong una akong nagsubok na mag-post uli ng bago nawala yung commands para dun. tinulungan pa nga ako ng mabait kong ka-officemate na si richie(ana rita talaga yung pangalan nya) na hanapin kung paano mag-post pero ayaw talaga. Kaya gumawa ako ng bagong blogspot yung mundo ni bochok. kaso ang problema naman ngayon iyon naman yung ayaw mabuksan. F*@#r talaga!

Ewan ko ba pero kapag nangyayari sa akin ang mga ganitong mga bagay naiisip ko parati na pinapakumplika ng makabagong teknolohiya ang mga bagay na dapat simple lang sana. gaya nitong pagpo-post sa blogspot. dati kapag may gusto kang sabihin simple lang ang gagawin mo; tumawag ka sa kaibigan mo o kaya magpadala ka ng mga sulat, yung tinatawag na correspondence.

Kapag kilala kang tao yung mga sulat na ginawa mo kahit wala naman talagang saysay (halimbawa nilagay mo lang naman na kumain ka ng tinolang manok) eh maari yung mailathala at gagawin pang reference sa eskwelahan (gaya ng correspondence ni rizal kay blumentritt).Bongga di ba?

Eh ngayon dahil sa may blog na kahit na di ka naman destined for greatness at puro personal angst lang ang kayang mong sabihin eh nadadamay mo na ang ibang tao, dahil sa open publishing nga at pwede nilang mabasa ang ano mang mapagtripan mong sabihin.

Sabagay pag may nakabasa ng sinulat mo at pareho kayo ng hang-up sa buhay eh maaring mangyari sa iyo ang alin man sa mga sumusunod: a. maiinlove sya sa iyo at hahanapin nya ang tunay mong identity hanggang sa maramdaman mo na lang na parang laging may sumusunod sa iyo kahit saan ka pumunta (o di ba? may libre ka ng stalker); b. makaka-relate sya sa mga sinasabi mo at magsusulat sya ng katulad na sintemyento na mababasa ng iba na makakrelate din at magsusulat ng kaparehong sintemyento na magsusulat din na mababasa ng iba na makakrelate din at magsusulat din.....at; k.(may kaugnayan sa b) magbubuo na siya ng fans club o di kaya peer group gaya ng For Active and Responsive Truths o FART.O di ba asteeg!

Tuwing magmemeeting yung FART tatalakayin nila ang anumang sentiments that is bottled up inside them. Syempre may facilitator na aaktong Big FART sa araw na iyon. Pasisimulan ang meeting kapag nagtanong na yung Big FART ng who want's to FART first. Yung unang magiging FART eh syang magbibigay ng kanyang unang FART o First Active and Responsive Truth for the day. O di ba ang saya?

Tapos syempre may classification din ng membership base on age and personal characteristics. Halimbawa: Matanda di old FART, kapag medyo mahiyain eh di silent FART, at kapag naman bombastic eh di Big FART. Meron namang medyo wierdo ang karakter kaya yun naman yung creepy fart. Sabi nila yung mga creepy FART daw yung mas longer lasting ang maiiwang impression at saka maaring manuot sa balat kung di man sa ilong.. este sa isipan ng mga tagapakinig.

Meron din dapat itong motto. Ang magandang motto ng FART ay "Ilabas mo yan dahil masama yan sa katawan." o di kaya ay "don't bottle up the pressure: FART."

Sana kapag nabasa nyo ito ay huwag nyong isipin na i'm just being a FART. sana sa pamamgitan nito ay maengganyo na rin kayong mag-fart. hehehe.

Balik tayo sa unang usapan.....

pagsisimula ng kwento

2005-06-24T03:28:00.000-07:00

at long last nakagawa din ako ng blog ko. isang lugar kung saan ang mga bagy na gumugulo sa isip at damdamin ay may ispasyo at lugar upang magkaroon ng hugis, anyo, at emosyon sa paraan ng mga letra, titik, at kataga.

ngek, basta outlet ito ng buryong.